Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
