Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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