Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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