I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
