Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
