I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
