I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
