Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
