ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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