My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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