Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
