Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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