you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
