i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
