Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
