you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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