It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
