Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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