You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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