I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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