at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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