He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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