Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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