So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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