That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
