I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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