So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
