dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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