walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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