Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
