fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
