Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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