Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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