I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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