We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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