they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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