if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
