So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
