Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
