I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
