Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
