Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
