I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My vagina just clenched in fear
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
