it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
