You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
