also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
