she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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