My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
