..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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