fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
