she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
