grandma shit on top of the toilet
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
