There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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